


King Grind It Till You Find It

by breea1 (kipplemine)



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Abduction, Alien Abduction, Alien Culture, Complete, Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-14
Updated: 2013-01-14
Packaged: 2017-11-25 12:06:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/638734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kipplemine/pseuds/breea1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Re-post from an LJ comm challenge but I don't know which one or for who. Kris is on the AI stage for the most important moment of his life, waiting to find out if all the sacrifices and hard work have been worth it and Ryan is just about to announce the winner....when a shower of multi-coloured sparkles falls around him and he suddenly finds himself on a very tackily decorated space ship and the captive of a man that looks like the bastard offspring of Elvis and a bedazzler. Kris is not impressed – King Adam is in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	King Grind It Till You Find It

“Oh I am keeping _you_.” Kris Allen blinked in surprise at the sound of a honeyed, delighted voice and looked around himself to find that he was no longer on stage waiting to hear Ryan Seacrest announce the winner of series eight of American Idol. “Baby, you are everything they said and more!” 

Kris blinked again and stared some more at the shiny, shiny room he was now standing in – sans cheering audience, Ryan, a smugly confident Danny Gokey and the AI judges – and then at the very tall man with a mainly black, terrifyingly high pompadour and electric blue eyes who had spoken. Kris stared some more, the guy really was ridiculously tall even without the hair.

“Oh come to Poppa.” The man advanced on Kris with a rapturous expression on his handsome face – his artfully made up and _glittery_ handsome face – and outstretched hands and Kris did the only thing he really could under the circumstances.

He squared his shoulders, planted his feet and punched the guy on the nose.

“Ow!” The glittery man tottered unsteadily for a moment and then fell backwards onto his butt and lay sprawled on the floor clutching his face and blinking reproachfully up at Kris over his fingers. “Well that’s no way for my chosen consort to behave. I’m really not into the rough stuff unless it’s by prior appointment and I’m more giving than receiving.”

Kris lowered his fists and looked down at the man at his feet. “Your chosen _what_?”

“Consort!” said the man brightly and flowed effortlessly to his feet, probing gingerly at his reddened nose but looking at Kris with expectant eyes. “Out of all the people on your planet you’ve been chosen to be forever by my side and receive daily – and nightly - proof of my devotion.”

Narrowing his own eyes, Kris looked the guy up and down from the heeled patent boots he was wearing – and Kris was still alarmed to note that the boots only accounted for a scant three inches of the man’s terrifying height – to the cheerful leer adorning his face. Fairly sheltered though his life had been Kris was still worldly enough to know when he was being physically appreciated by strangers be they women or men and the man standing in front of him and practically undressing with his eyes was not exactly being subtle in his appreciation. 

“Oh hell, no.” Kris scowled, punched him again and made a run it.

He was extremely annoyed when his bid for freedom was abruptly curtailed due to the fact that it turned out he was on a spaceship, it was accelerating away from Earth at dizzying speed and the man he had just punched twice was some kind of alien leader who had a contingent of very glittery personal guards who jumped him before he got three feet and bore him to the floor with a lot of unnecessary squealing and groping.

~*~*~*

“You’re from where?” Kris stood in the centre of his captor’s throne room – and, seriously, _throne_ room – folded his arms over his (bared) chest and tried to ignore that he was otherwise only dressed in gold diaphanous pants and one solitary toe ring. He was going for furious and intimidating but had a sneaking suspicion he was coming across as more small and adorable from the look on the alien fiend’s face – he hated it when that happened.

“Glamtopia!” The alien fiend – or King Adam as he had eventually introduced himself – smiled brightly at Kris and adjusted the fit of his tight purple jackets and shiny leather pants. He brushed a lock of artfully tumbling streaked blue hair out of his eyes and tucked it neatly back into place on his pompadour. “It’s a fabulous planet, you’re going to love it.”

Kris scowled harder at the man on the golden throne before him and ignored the chorus of delighted ‘Aww’s’ from the assembled courtiers filing the room around him. “No.” He ground his teeth at the puzzled look on King Adam’s face at his flat refusal and spat out, “I’m not going to love it. I want to go home and if you don’t quit being such an asshole and let me I’m going to kick your ass.” He felt his blood pressure spike when another chorus of ‘Aww’s’ echoed around the room and promised grimly, “I’m gonna kick all your asses if you don’t quit that too.”

King Adam leaned forward, rested his elbow on one knee and cupped his chin in his hand, sighing dreamily, “You’re adorable.”

“I’m pissed!” Kris threw up his hands indignantly and then hastily wrapped his arms back around his torso when the courtiers – and Adam – all leered in appreciation and all but drooled over the silver and red glittery floor of the spaceship. “You’ve kidnapped me and _ruined my life_. Do you know how hard I had to work to get to the final of Idol? The sacrifices I made? The....what? What the hell are you looking at?” He followed Adam’s riveted gaze downwards and to the north of his knees but south of his navel and then howled, “Are you kidding me?” when he realised where Adam was staring so fixedly.

“What?” said Adam defensively as Kris shoved his hand inside his regrettably see through pants and adjusted the even more regrettably slippery strip of material that Kris had been issued as underwear and that was doing an entirely unsuitable job in protecting his modesty from interested eyes. “I didn’t do anything, I haven’t even touched you!” He smiled encouragingly at Kris. “I could though. Anytime you’re ready, just say the word.”

Tucking everything back inside the dubious protection of the sliver of silk, Kris snarled, “I’m getting married.” He scowled when Adam twinkled at him and snapped, “Not to you! I’m getting married to a girl, who I love and who loves me and...and...and....” He trailed off uncertainly when a large screen trimmed in electric blue and green faux fur dropped from the ceiling and he found himself looking at a picture of his fiancée Katy. On screen Katy pressed a neatly folded square of linen to her damp eyes and tearfully informed the cameras surrounding her that although she would always love Kris and he would forever hold a place in her heart she felt she owed it to him and the memory of their love to pick herself up and go on with life after his mysterious and unsolvable disappearance and was carefully considering which of the lucrative acting and presenting offers she would be accepting from the many that had flooded in. Kris’ jaw dropped indignantly. “I’ve been gone _two days_!”

Adam nodded in agreement. “She’s a brave little trooper, isn’t she? I found that whole speech very moving.”

“Oh bite me!” Kris glowered at the image of the woman that he would have made his wife. “She’s still in the same outfit she wore for the final. Did she even wait for the show to close out before going in front of the cameras?”

“Come here, baby, and let me kiss it all better.” Adam cooed hopefully at Kris and widened his eyes meaningfully at Tommy his chief advisor to retract the screen again because apparently it was just serving to make Kris angrier and not give him closure and ease him into accepting his new life as hoped. “I’ll make you forget all about that strumpet.”

Kris watched the screen hurtle back into the ceiling – narrowly missing one of the disco balls that seemed to be floating aimlessly and freely about – and muttered bitterly to himself, “We were supposed to be in love. I was saving myself for her.”

“The har....really?” Adam perked up and then purred, “Interesting.”

“I will end you.” Kris promised darkly, and spun on his heel to stalk off to the quarters he had been assigned, trying not to notice that the cheeks of his butt were stretching the tight material of his pants with every stride and that the eyes of the entire room were glued to his ass as he stomped out.

~*~*~

“It’s the pride of my world.” Adam said, gesturing at the screen before him and smiling expectantly at a speechless Kris. “The flagship of our fleet. The finest design our engineers have ever produced.”

Kris blinked at the picture before him and then looked incredulously out a nearby porthole to the subtle colouring of flesh pink metal outside.

Adam nodded understandingly. “A lot of people have that reaction; it’s a lot to take in.” He tried to slip an arm around Kris’ shoulders. “And all this is now yours. As my consort you share everything that is mine.”

Neatly sidestepping Adam’s reaching arm, Kris looked at the schematic of the ship he was currently travelling on and snapped, “Are you serious?” He glared at the long cylinder that was gently rounded at one end with two small pods on either side of the long shaft at the other end and felt his face heat with angry colour. “You kidnapped me with this?”

Looking coy, Adam nodded and murmured, “It’s a lot to take in, I know.”

“It’s a giant dick!” Almost puce with outrage, Kris bunched his fists and stalked over to the nearby porthole to stare furiously out into space and at the bulge of one of the pods just visible there. “You’ve abducted me and you’re holding me hostage on a _big flying pink dick_.”

“I’m told it pays to advertise.” Adam smiled winsomely and crinkled his eyes in a manner that had the painted peacock design painted around each one glittering under the carefully flattering lights of the room. “False modesty is such a turn off, don’t you agree?”

“Big. Dick.” spat Kris, and once more stomped off to his quarters, butt cheeks flexing and bunching under his all but see through pants.

Adam looked after him appreciatively, saying absently to himself, “I’m going to love to watch him come, but I sure do _love_ to see him leave.”

~*~*~*

“For you,” said Adam, sweeping an arm out in a grand gesture. “A little piece of home.”

Kris eyed the...object...before him and said uncertainly, “Uh, your home, right?” He squinted dubiously and cocked his head to the side. “I’m pretty sure nothing that...shiny...ever came out of Arkansas.”

“We made a few modifications.” Adam beamed and flipped one side of the black silk cape he was wearing that morning over one smoothly muscled shoulder. “A symbolic coming together of our two worlds, seamlessly melding into one until it’s nearly impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins.”

“Uh, no,” disagreed Kris, faintly. “I’m pretty sure I can still see the join.” He took a wary step back when his gift from his would be wooer creaked suddenly. “Is it meant to do that?”

Mildly alarmed himself, Adam tried to look cool and collected as he replied blithely, “Of course. That’s exactly what it’s meant to sound like.” He shot the object a wary look when it creaked again and repeated rather less certainly, “Exactly right.”

The scream of horribly overloaded metal flooded the room and both men skittered back, cursing, when the crystal covered Ford truck Adam had just presented Kris with collapsed under the weight of the precious gems fixed lovingly to every visible part of it and sent its four gold plated wheel rims pinging to every corner of the docking bay they stood in.

Kris slowly stood from the defensive crouch he had dropped into and stared at the wreckage of what had once been a pretty nice ride...before the Glamtopian engineers had gotten their hands on it. He looked up at Adam who was standing in stunned disbelief at his side. “Next time just get me a beer, okay?”

Adam snapped out of his state of glazed shock and looked down at the object of his affections, saying hopefully, “Next time?”

Kris rolled his eyes. “Alcohol will at least numb the pain.”

~*~*~*

Passive resistance, it turned out, was _awesome_. Kris, once he had moved past the boiling anger and sulking part of his captivity, had found that shivering miserably in his sheer pants and blinking up at Adam like a beaten puppy not only stopped the constant sexual advances, but got him issued with a skin tight gold bodysuit that thankfully concealed all naked skin and, more importantly, also gave him access to the ship’s replicating technology. 

The screams of horror when the crew woke up to find that Kris had busily redecorated the entire ship in swatches of plaid flannel and beige paint, replaced all of their grooming products with generic soap and had reprogrammed the ship’s menu to produce nothing but steak, potatoes and calorie laden double chocolate fudge cake had Kris chuckling before his own eyes had even opened where he lay snuggled in his bed.

Adam, looking hilariously tousled and more than a little deflated when he eventually summoned Kris to the throne room, shifted uncomfortably in the stiff denim blue jeans and scratchy cheap cotton t-shirt that Kris had substituted for his entire wardrobe and narrowed his eyes at Kris’ unrepentant figure. “It won’t work you know. We will eventually find out how to get back into our systems and then all this will have been for nothing.”

Kris smirked at the green and brown flecked shag carpet now covering the throne room floor and muttered, “Good luck with that. Even I’m not sure how I encrypted things. I’m pretty sure that people who think the most important thing about maintaining a spaceship is whether or not they have enough pillows cushioning their butts when they’re flying it don’t stand much of a chance.”

Flinging up his – unmanicured and unmoisturised – hands, Adam yelled in frustration, “What do you want from me? I’ll give you anything, just, for the love of all that’s shiny, put my ship back the way it was.”

“Okay,” snapped Kris. “My freedom. Take me back to Earth.”

“Never!” said Adam.

Kris glowered. “Fine, it is _on_ now.”

~*~*~*

It was a black, black day when Kris worked out how to access the ship’s communications systems. It was considered the blackest in Glamtopian history when he found that somehow the entire James Blunt back catalogue had found its way into the ship’s music collection and that he could not only isolate the communications system until it would only recognise his commands but that he could also put ‘You’re Beautiful’ on a continuous loop that played day and night in all corners of the ship and in short order brought the entire crew to their figurative knees.

Well, except Brad, Adam’s closest friend. He lasted all of half an hour before flinging himself dramatically to the floor and literally to his knees, wrapping his arms around Kris’ thighs and begging him with tearful desperation to ‘Make it stop, _make it stop_!’

Kris shifted uncomfortably as Brad’s heartfelt tears started to leak through the baggy jeans he had replicated for himself, took note of the twitch at the corner of Adam’s left eye and jerked his thumb helpfully over his shoulder. “Think the Earth’s back thattaway?”

Three more renditions of high pitched emotive warbling from James Blunt, increasingly frantic pleading from Brad and Adam’s entire personal guard trying to smother themselves with their new uniform plaid shirts and a giant pink phallus executed the fastest u-turn in galactic history and headed back towards Earth as speedily as it was able.

~*~*~*

“Well I hope you’re happy.” Adam scowled in disapproval at the low-end motel room Kris had insisted in booking into upon his return to Earth whilst he worked out what he was going to do with his life from there on out and poked an annoyed finger at the beige bedspread covering one of the twin beds contained within. “This is disgusting.”

“Yes, Adam, I’m ecstatic.” Kris flung himself down on the bed that Adam was currently poking like it was a pile of animal droppings and snapped, “I’m never gonna find out if I could have won Idol or if Gokey only got it because you kidnapped me, my fiancé had me practically dead and buried before we even left orbit and I have no job and no money and I’m probably going to have to hitch back to Arkansas because my last forty bucks in the world is going to have to cover staying here tonight. I’m having the time of my life over here.” He lifted his head from the mattress and questioned bitterly, “Why did you have to pick me, huh? What did I ever do to you?”

Adam’s face crumpled for a moment and then he sank down wearily on the bed he had been poking and stared despondently at the floor. “I couldn’t pick anyone _but_ you. We accidently caught a transmission of one of your Idol shows and I heard you sing and then they showed you talking to one of those interview people and you were just so....you just shone. You were so funny and warm and kind and I wanted you. I knew that if I could just get you that I could make you love me because you’d see past all the style and flair and outstanding taste and panache I’m naturally gifted with and just see....me.” He sighed shakily. “I guess I was wrong. I’m sorry.”

Kris propped himself up on his elbows and said weakly, “You couldn’t have just come up to me and say hi?”

“You had that girl.” Adam scowled darkly at the worn carpet beneath his animal skin boots and muttered bitterly, “You would never have looked twice at me with her still around.”

Kris stared at the top of Adam’s bowed head and thought of the man that had abducted him and dressed him in see through pants and leered at him in said see through pants and flew through the galaxy in a giant penis shaped spaceship...and then he thought of the man that had abducted him and had always taken no for an answer – often with a smile and a wink – and had tried to give him a crystal encrusted replicated Ford truck because he thought it would make Kris happy and he gave a sigh of his own. “Well she’s not here now.” He smiled shyly when Adam’s head snapped up and his blue eyes widened in confusion and asked hesitantly, “Unless you have somewhere else to be?”

“Nowhere on Earth.” Slowly the life and exuberance returned to Adam’s eyes and he stood to reach out and pull Kris to his feet and wrap cautious arms around the much smaller man. Bending his head he brushed his mouth slowly over Kris’. “You?”

Kris licked his lower lip and then slowly smiled up into Adam’s dancing eyes. “We’ll see.”

~*~**~

The End.


End file.
